Savin' me
by FujoShizaya
Summary: My first ever songfic baced on Nickelback's Savin' Me. This ff has some suicidal thoughts/acts, cursing, blood and possible some sexual scenes in the sequel. Pairing: Shizaya. This is YAOI! Please read and leave a rewiew how I can make my fics better


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara! or the characters, they belong to Narita Ryohgo, the creator of Drrr!

**Disclaimer2: **I do not own the lyrics they belong to "Nickleback" the songs name is Savin' Me**  
>Warnings:<strong> In this fic there will be some suicide thoughts, cursing and blood (maybe suicide)?**  
>Pairing:<strong> Shizaya **  
>Series:<strong> Durarara!**  
>Fic made by:<strong>Akari Yukimura

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><p><strong>AN:** It's been some time since I last time wrote a fanfic ^^' I have currently 9 notes about the fictions I want to write, but I still don't know when I'm gonna get the right mood to write (But I'm itching to write some so I think it wont be long that I start one of them).

By the way this is my first song fic :'D I just wanted to write something like this so I just wanted to try and make it a song fic _ Well, I hope you like it :)

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><p>Even my love toward you, will not save me from this prison "Right Shizu-chan?". I just hoped that someday I would be saved by you, even if the whole world was going up against it and now with these weak hands I can only hold up the only weapon that I have. I hold up my switchblade towards him. MY Shizu-chan.<p>

"Only you..." Izaya whispered smiling sadly... _could have saved... me._

"You fucking FLEA!" The blonde male yelled and ripped off the nearest street sign, hurling it towards the smirking informant who dodges the flying object with ease.

"You fucking dared to ruin my clothes!" The man continued his yelling while searching new object to throw at the smaller male.

_Aaaah... again with the clothes Shizu-chan~ Well I guess that they are more important to you than I am?_ I tried to smile but I already knew that there were some tears falling from my eyes. _Ah. This is bad... I can't let him see me like this._

When Shizuo saw the tear that was rolling down my cheek he suddenly freezed, so did I. I hesitated for a moment.. and then I reached for him, only if I could touch you. Shizuo flinched from his freezed state and stepped back out of my reach. The smile was making it's way back to my face again.

_Of course it will be like this... now and forever... nothing will change even if he knows... about my love._

"Izaya?" His voice made me shiver as he used my name, instead of the _flea. _It really made my heart race.

"Only if you could... Shizuo." I said and looked in his eyes.

"Could what?" Shizuo asked furrowing his brows at me.

"Nothing." I said and turned around.

"Flea!" He yelled after me, but something still helld him back and he didn't follow me.

"See you around, Shizu-chan~" I wawed my hand to him and sprinted off.

_Prison gates won't open up for me  
>On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'<br>Oh, I reach for you_

Here I am again. In this empty apartment only my computer with me. Well it really can't be helped. My job is making my life as it is now... _empty maybe?_

I can't show my emotions in this work, or else my "so called clients" might use them against _me like as I have any waknesses? No... I really do have them... like my little sisters and Shizuo. _I lean back against the back of my chair and stretch my arms up and then again, I reached for the emptiness of my apertment.

_Shizuo._

Whenever I'm lonely he suddenly fills my mind. It feels like I'm falling. Falling from high enough to make it last forever. Nothing that could stop me from that fall. Nothing.

"Shizuo." I whisper. It's a whisper that no one heard. Or will ever hear. I close my eyes and let my mind fly away.

_Well I'm terrified of these four walls  
>These iron bars can't hold my soul in<br>All I need is you  
>Come please I'm callin'<br>And oh I scream for you  
>Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'<em>

I open my eyes and stare at the screen in front of me._ I fell asleep in middle of work again? _Well that's not new these days. I have been down so long that I don't really know how long I can hold on anymore.

I click open the page where I have been reading these _suicide_ stories that other people have been writing on the site. I really have been thinking about it. A lot actually. How to end my own life. I have imagined it over so many times now. But still. I wonder what is still keeping me alive. _Humans? No... I do love humans but maybe it's just that I wanna hide it from him... my love._

"Really, what am I thinking?" I ask from myself.

_I really do think Shizuo too much... _Again I feel my heart skip as I think about him. _If only you could say that you love me too... everything would be fine... or would it be? But there won't ever be a day that... you would fall for me. _

I walk in the bathroom and in front of the mirror. Looking up at my own face with blank expression I really feel like crying now.

_It won't definetly be worth it. _

I smiled and slammed my fist against the mirror breaking it. The fragments were falling on the floor beneath my feet and I squat down to collect them away, but then one of them cut my hand making me drop it down again.

I looked at the crimson liquid falling on the floor becides the broken mirror fragments. _It's not hurting... _

I stared at the wound and picked up a piece of the mirror. _If I just ...die. _

I put the sharp object against my wrist and slowly added more pressure on it. _Just like this... I will end it all. All my pain and sadness... _

I slashed my wrist hard enough to make it bleed but not hard enough to kill me with it. It somekinda woke me up from this weird state and snapped me back to reality.

_What am I doing? _I thought and went to the kitchen to get some paper towels to wipe off the blood.

_Show me what it's like_  
><em>To be the last one standing<em>  
><em>And teach me wrong from right<em>  
><em>And I'll show you what I can be<em>  
><em>Say it for me<em>  
><em>Say it to me<em>  
><em>And I'll leave this life behind me<em>  
><em>Say it if it's worth saving me<em>

I was bandaging my hand. I did pretty clumsy work but at least the wound was no more bleeding.

_Even if I die... I don't have any place to go do I?_

"Aaah. Nothing will get better like this." I said to the empty apartment. Since my secretary was on vacation I was all alone here. I't already been week.

_Shizu-chan. Shizu-chan Shizu-chan... _I felt my eyes water as I called his name in my mind.

_I wanna see you._ I know it's better for me to stay away from him, but I can't help it. _I want to see him so bad. _

I grab my coat and keys before going out of my apartment. I can smell the rain in the air and pulled the hood of my coat covering my head as I take the road towards Ikebukuro. _Just this once, I'm going to break my heart... _

Smile.

_Once again... I'm breaking it. _I grip the knife in my pocket as I hurried my steps. _After that... I don't have to suffer... never again. Neither do him. _

I smiled at my thought how happy he would be after I'm gone, _forever._

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me_  
><em>With these broken wings I'm fallin'<em>  
><em>And all I see is you<em>  
><em>These city walls ain't got no love for me<em>  
><em>I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story<em>  
><em>And oh I scream for you<em>  
><em>Come please I'm callin'<em>  
><em>And all I need from you<em>  
><em>Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'<em>

I look up at the sky feeling few drops of water landing on my face. _Today, Is the last day Shizu-chan. I wanna know what it feels like... to be the last one standing. Will you tell me how it feels? _

"Just why did I fall in love with you?" I asked myself. I didn't have the answer. No one would have it. _If only I would have a change, I would definitely show you that I can change. And what I could be._

"I-ZA-YA-KUN YO~!" I hear the familiar growl behind me and stopped walking further.

"My, hello there Shizu-chan~" I spin around smiling at him. "What a coincidence to meet you here."

"How may times I have told you to not set a foot in Ikebukuro! You fucking Flea!" Shizuo kept yelling at me. I pulled my switchblade out of my pocket and flipped it open. The rain hadn't started, it seemed like it was waiting for something to happen.

"S-sadly this is our last game of cat and mouse, Shizu-chan." I said and started to move towards him my weapon pointing at his heart. "My. Love for you." I bit my lip and continued, "Will end today."

"HAH! Like no one would believe that shit you fucker!" Shizuo's yell made me stop. I take a step back as he took one forward grapping the trash can next to him. "No one will love you EVER! I'm going to hate you forever even after I have killed you!" Shizuo growled and threw the metallic trash can at me.

I was so stunned from what he said that I had no time to avoid the object completely and fell on the ground as it hit me.

"Got you." Shizuo grinned and walked towards me.

"I..." I started and tried to get back on my feet. "Already knew that..." I staggered and finally got back up and looked at him. "I always knew, no one would love me... no one will miss me after I'm gone! You will finally have your peacefull life! Shinra would be happy too and same goes with Celty! No one..." I wipe my eyes trying to stop the tears forming in them. "No one will ever love me."

"Yeah, probably. You'd better off dead after all." His calm voice stabbed right through me. My heart felt like it was turned into ice. Finally I let my tears fall. I didn't care if he saw them. It hurts so much.

_Show me what it's like  
>To be the last one standing<br>And teach me wrong from right  
>And I'll show you what I can be<br>Say it for me  
>Say it to me<br>And I'll leave this life behind me  
>Say it if it's worth saving me<br>Hurry I'm fallin'_

He looks me crying in front of him without saying a word. His words are still repeating in my head. _"You'd better off dead after all."_ As if I don't know that without him telling me.

"Ne, Shizuo. If I do you a favor. Would you do one for me?" I finally said it. I looked deep in his eyes showing him that I was serious. "Just this once? Ne." I almost begged.

"Tch. Can't be helped then. What is it, Flea?" He said as he stepped next to me.

"Turn around and close your eyes. You can turn around after you count from one to ten."

"HUH! You really think I'll fall for that? You'll just run away you fuc-" I put my finger against his lips making him shut up and smiled.

"You think I would lie to you?" I said and took my finger away. He turns around leaving me behind and starts to count.

"One" With that I pick up my dear switchblade and roll my sleeve up so that I uncover the bandage wrapped around my hand and wrist.

"Two" I untie the bandage showing the small cut that the broken mirror had caused to me. I smile.

"Three" I bring the edge of the blade against my wrist, even thought this caused me to shiver I didn't back off what I was about to do.

"Four" I slit my wrist.

"Five" Shizuo starts counting faster as if he had noticed something happening. I feel myself falling on my knees with a soft thud being heard.

_And all I need is you  
>Come please I'm callin'<br>And all I scream for you  
>Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'<em>

Shizuo turned around after hearing the thud. He looked down where I was kneeling and his eyes went wide as he noticed my wrist. I think he was about to say something but then he kneeled in front of me and looked into my eyes and began to speak, "Why... Izaya? Wh-"

He stopped in the middle of what he was saying and turned his gaze away from me.

"I really... d-do love you... but it seems t-that I can make you h-happy... only with this." I tried to sound normal but I was dizzy from the bloodloss and my eyes were starting to water again. I smiled and started to make another cut above the first one but something stopped me.

"?" I looked at Shizuo but couldn't see his face clearly because of the tears in my eyes. I blink and look at him again.

"Shizu... -chan?" My voice trembled little when I called his name. _He looked scared?_ What would the strongest man of Ikebukuro be scared to see?

"I-zaya... Izaya!" He yelled my name and grapped my shoulders as he shook me.

"Why? Why did you-!" I stopped him once again and smiled.

"Now then. You lied to me, you didn't count to ten right, Shizu-chan?" I felt myself falling so he needed to do his favor.

"What it feels like to be the last one standing Shizu-chan?" I asked. "To be the one winning?" I rise my hand to care Shizuo's cheek as I smile. "Now, it's your turn to... do the -f-favor for me." My hand slipped away from his face to my side. The red pool becides me kept growing slowly.

"Kiss me, Shizuo." I said. "That's the... only think I w-will ask."  
>I leaned towards him and placed my lips against his. <em>This will be it... Even if it wasn't you who did the kissing... I... 'm happy...<em>

_Show me what it's like  
>To be the last one standing<br>And teach me wrong from right  
>And I'll show you what I can be<br>Say it for me  
>Say it to me<br>And I'll leave this life behind me  
>Say it if it's worth saving me<em>

_Hurry I'm fallin'_

After our lips parted I collapsed in Shizuo's arms barely breathing. _This time it really is the last good-bye?_ I cried again... Where was that rain that was supposed to start? Where was it when I wanted it?

Then I felt something warm falling down onto my cheek. _Water? Is it raining?_ I turned my head up and another drop of salty water hit my face. _Tears? _

"Shizu...-chan? Are you... crying?" I managed to whisper.

"Y...You RUIN MY LIFE! You... what kind of favor was that, huh? Say it!" he said and half yelled at me, still holding me in his arms.

I heard something to rip off and then a large warm hand grapped my bleeding arm. I felt something being wrapped around my wrist and I opened my eyes to look what was Shizuo doing.

He was wrapping my hand with a white piece of clothing that seemed to be ripped off from his shirt.

_Why is he... doing this? I'm nearly dead and... this is what he's wishing for? To save me? A man he's hating the most in the world?_

He lifted me up pridal style and started to run somewhere. If I was guessing it right he was headin to Shinra's place. I grip the front of his vest and weakly smiled.

_Say, Shizu-chan? Is it worth saving me? Say it for me. Am I really worth of saving?_

"I... really... love you." I whisper as my grip loosens and I lose my consciousness, but just before I lost it I heard a soft voice saying...

"I love you too."

After that. It started to rain. The rain that I was not able to see, or feel. Because I was gone.

_Say it for me  
>Say it to me<br>And I'll leave this life behind me  
>Say it if it's worth saving me<em>

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><p><strong>AN: **That's it :) It's my first ever songfic and I wasn't sure what kind of fiction I should write so it just happened to end up being like this _ sorry that it's drama again :D but it's just my nature that brings me write dramas! This fic has a really weird storyline and it's kind of confusing so sorry about that. Let me know what you think about it. I'm going to do a sequel what happens after this but it's still a mystery what will happen to Izaya, will he survive or die? I'm currently thinking how to end this and I'll start writing it after I know what to do ^^ Anyways, thank you for reading this fic, also be kind and leave a review ( =3=) 3


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